Both etiquette experts agree, you should only send a voice note when it’s absolutely necessary, when it’s short, and to those who you have very strong, casual and personal relationships with.

You can play a voice note at a faster speed if you’re short on time, or slow it down to get a better listen. In Apple’s Messages, hold down on the play button to change the playback speed.

Voice note users, she said, “don’t have to respond to the friction of someone else’s affect” if a disagreement comes up, for example, or an unexpected question.