We both told my teacher after the fact, she didn’t find it as funny as my mom did." - Danielle, 24 "At my graduation, I was the elected senior class speaker. I gave my speech on mercy and guilt ...

In a new book, the “Seinfeld” and “S.N.L.” writer shares the secrets to the perfect toast: don’t drink too much, and, remember, the Gettysburg Address was only two minutes long.